| one hates to focus on the bad stuff, but let’s | | | | After all, it’s all about you. |
| face it—how can you improve if you | | | | Advice: Would it kill you to compliment a friend? I know |
| don’t know what to improve upon? So, | | | | it’s tough. Just make something up. |
| let’s get to it! What does your astrology sign | | | | Libra (September 23–October 22) |
| unpleasantly say about you? | | | | Shopping, sleeping, looking good … vanity thy |
| Aries (March 21–April 19) | | | | name is Libra. And don’t even think about |
| Your ruling planet is Mars, the God of War. This sums | | | | asking a Libra to make a decision. They fence-sit like |
| up your personality quite well, don’t you think. | | | | it’s their job. |
| Always ready for a battle, you rams never back | | | | Advice: Not all mirrors are there to reflect. Some are |
| down. Well, that’s because you are always | | | | actually there for show. Try to walk past one without |
| right … at least in your mind. | | | | looking, Libra. |
| Advice: Temper, temper, Aries. Loosing your cool | | | | Scorpio (October 23–November 21) |
| when things don't go your way does nothing to boost | | | | I’m a bit nervous to say anything negative |
| your popularity. Try yoga. | | | | about you, Scorpio. You may plot horrifying revenge. |
| Taurus (April 20–May 20) | | | | So, I’ll just say Scorpios are kind of scary. |
| One word describes Taurus to a tee: stubborn. Getting | | | | Advice: Honestly, Scorpio. Your intensity is burning a |
| you to change your mind is like closing a revolving | | | | whole through my soul. No, that’s not a good |
| door—impossible. | | | | thing. |
| Advice: I understand that you never say | | | | Sagittarius (November 22–December 21) |
| “die,” but sometimes you may want to | | | | Open mouth, insert foot … again and again and |
| admit critical injury. Pick and choose your battles. | | | | again … Take a Sagittarius to a formal event |
| Gemini (May 21–June 20) | | | | and she’ll embarrass you every time. But, take |
| You are an Air sign, Gemini, and to say you are flighty | | | | one to a kegger, and she’ll be the first with the |
| would be an understatement. If life were a kitchen, you | | | | lampshade. |
| would have a hand in preparing every dinner. But, | | | | Advice: I know, leaping without looking is exciting, but |
| when it comes to suppertime, no meals would actually | | | | try not to be so impulsive, Sagittarius. |
| be ready. | | | | Capricorn (December–22 January 19) |
| Advice: Focus, Gemini, focus. Sigh | | | | Contrary to Capricorn belief, there is more to life than |
| …You’re not even reading this any more, | | | | money. And, although Capricorns may find this hard to |
| are you? | | | | accept, too, weekends are for leaving the house, not |
| Cancer (June 21–July 22) | | | | staying home to count one’s money. |
| With mood swings off the charts, Cancers make | | | | Advice: Pessimism doesn’t look good on |
| great homebodies and told-you-sos. Oh, and | | | | anybody. Lighten up, Capricorn. |
| lunatics—after all you are ruled by the moon. | | | | Aquarius (January 20–February 18) |
| Advice: Drop the martyrdom vibe. Get out of your shell | | | | The mad scientists of astrology, most people see |
| and have a good time more often. | | | | Aquarians as just plain weirdoes. And Aquarians like |
| Leo (July 23–August 22) | | | | that. |
| If asked to name five words to describe herself, a Leo | | | | Advice: Always the loner, try to branch out and sail in |
| couldn’t just stop at just five. You see, Leos | | | | new seas. |
| are to modesty as goldfish are to blueberries. Meaning, | | | | Pisces (February 19–March 20) |
| Leos and modesty have nothing to do with each other. | | | | Just like their watery cousins (mermaids and the Lock |
| Advice: Just because the lion is your symbol does not | | | | Ness Monster) Pisces people live in a fairytale world; in |
| mean you can be King of the Jungle all of the time. | | | | a state of confusion. |
| Share the limelight. | | | | Advice: It’s time to wake up! Living in a dream |
| Virgo (August 23–September 22) | | | | world may be fun, but it could cause nightmares in |
| Mr. Clean has nothing on you, Virgo. Everything in your | | | | reality. |
| life must be neat, tidy and completed to perfection. | | | | |