Meditation - Cats, Bullies and Other Distractions

Shortly after I turned forty it all fell apart. I developednauseum.
an Autoimmune disorder and my body began toThis is the way it's been for years until three months
attack itself, big time. The next years became a delugeago when thankfully I became the recipient of an iPod,
of Doctor's visits and countless medications. In time mythanks to my Brother making an upgrade to a larger
spirit withered with my health and it wasn't long beforeone. So I loaded it up with music, plugged in the
depression set in.headphones and went for a nice, long, walk. It was
A close friend suggested that I give meditation a try. Ifwonderful, relaxing and invigorating all at the same time,
you knew me you'd know just how difficult this ideathe music keeping perfect synch with my footsteps
was to swallow, but I was getting desperate andand breathing. As I was trying to find the perfect word
decided to reluctantly agreed to give it a shot.to describe it, then it hit me...Meditative!
It's been over five years now and sometimes I feel likeTraditionalists certainly wouldn't call this textbook
I still don't get this whole meditation thing. Sure itmeditation by any stretch of the imagination but it was
sounded simple enough in theory and principle, butcertainly what I needed, what I'd been searching for,
practice, well...that's another situation entirely.for all those years. Who would've figured that an old
OK, let's see just what I'm doing wrong here?pair of Nike Cortez sneakers and a loop of "one hit
I draw the blinds, close the bedroom door, light mywonder's" from the 1980's, would finally give me peace
"higher awareness" candle then put on the "Ten Stepsof mind. since then I've added a number of more
to Deeper Mediation CD. Plopping myself downtraditional meditation programs and tracks to the iPod
cross-legged on my (Zafu) meditation cushion I touchand haven't missed a day of walking since I started.
my index fingers to thumbs and then, then - nothing.Aside from the obvious mental benefits, I've lost ten
I can't shut my mind off no matter how hard I try andpounds, my high blood sugar has dropped considerably
all of a sudden it's important to remember when I gotand I eliminated gluten and wheat based products from
my last oil change, if this years a leap year or themy diet. I now find myself more patient, relaxed and
name of the kid who bullied me in forth grade. Expertscentered on a daily basis and my friends and children
tell you not to fight it and just let the thoughts go andhave noticed the difference too.
eventually peace and enlightenment will be mine, but ISo if you're like me I highly recommend this form of
got to tell you, I'm not buying it.relaxation, especially if you're having trouble with the
I've tried changing rooms, candles, cushions, CD's andmore traditional forms of meditation. Well, it looks like
still nothing. I get into position, the music begins and sothis will be the closest I get to achieving total
do the distractions. Is the stove on? Is the cat in? Do Ienlightenment in this lifetime...and that's alright with me.
have enough milk for breakfast tomorrow? - ad