| In Part 1 of this article series (found here: | | | | that skipped from one topic to another. |
| we discovered the challenge faced by the | | | | Beginning with information about Moissanite |
| copy of Julie's Jewels Moissanite page. The | | | | being created from minerals in a lab then |
| original copy (found here: was too factual | | | | jumping to the fact that this type of jewelry |
| for visitors to relate to effectively. I | | | | was available at wholesale prices, it needed |
| outlined the problems and the proposed | | | | some help in capturing and retaining the |
| solutions. Let's continue as I show you the | | | | attention of the visitor. |
| rewrite and the results. | | | | |
| | | | In an effort to create a visual image for the |
| The Rewrite | | | | site visitor, the new copy begins with: |
| | | | |
| Building excitement about Moissanite jewelry | | | | "Once you experience the wonder of Moissanite |
| was a primary goal during the rewrite. These | | | | jewelry, you'll be spoiled for anything else. |
| stones needed to be positioned above other | | | | This alluring stone has the brilliance and |
| manmade gems such as cubic zirconia. Their | | | | sparkle of a diamond, yet it is affordable on |
| special qualities had to be brought to light | | | | practically any budget. Moissanite is the |
| while also evoking emotions that are | | | | hardest and most dazzling stone, second only |
| associated with buying something rare, | | | | to a diamond." |
| exclusive and truly exceptional. | | | | |
| | | | Because this is a category page on Julie's |
| I chose words and phrases including "spoiled | | | | ecommerce site, photographs of Moissanite |
| for anything else," "alluring" and "wonder." | | | | jewels in different settings are shown along |
| | | | with links to the associated pages. The |
| However, affordability also needed to be | | | | original copy stopped there. With the new |
| conveyed -- but without discounting the | | | | copy, I added brief descriptions underneath |
| perceived and actual value of the stone. To | | | | each image. This accomplished two things. |
| accomplish this, I included mentions of how | | | | |
| affordable Moissanite stones are along with | | | | 1) It allowed me to entice the visitor to |
| verbiage describing the clarity, quality and | | | | click through to the page using both words |
| excellence of these jewels. | | | | and visuals. |
| | | | |
| You can view the revised copy (PDF) here: | | | | 2) It gave us additional opportunities to use |
| | | | Julie's keyphrase without sounding |
| In addition, Julie's Jewels faces some stiff | | | | overpowering. |
| competition from national retailers and other | | | | |
| sites that carry Moissanite. There was | | | | The Results |
| really only one main phrase the page needed | | | | |
| to be optimized for. The challenge with | | | | What was the outcome of this makeover? I'll |
| that, however, was using the term enough to | | | | let Julie tell you herself. |
| make an impact with the engines, but not so | | | | |
| much as to sound odd because of too much | | | | "I was on the 2nd and 3rd page of SERPs for |
| repetition. | | | | this category. Now, I'm on page #1! The |
| | | | Moissanite page is now the 3rd highest entry |
| The Headline | | | | page for the site. This page is the parent |
| | | | category for six sub-categories. Those |
| A huge change took place with the headline. | | | | sub-categories have seen nice jumps in |
| The original headline was created with no | | | | traffic as opposed to a year ago (prior to |
| appeal to the site visitor. Likely used | | | | copy rewrite). This not only helps the main |
| strictly for navigation and search engine | | | | category but sub-categories as well. I'm |
| optimization (SEO) purposes, it merely listed | | | | also getting double the contacts about |
| the name of the page. The use of the simple | | | | Moissanite as a result of increased visitors |
| term "Moissanite Jewelry" was replaced with a | | | | on the Moissanite jewelry page." |
| headline that clearly stated the primary | | | | |
| benefit of this product: | | | | Before you start listing facts and figures in |
| | | | your copy, take a little time to research how |
| "Moissanite Jewelry Offers Affordable Luxury" | | | | consumers buy that particular product. |
| | | | Because people don't react the same ways to |
| The Opening Paragraph | | | | every product or service, jumping to |
| | | | conclusions about how they buy can be a |
| The original copy used an opening paragraph | | | | dangerous practice that's best avoided. |