| In Part 1 of this article series (found here: we | | | | information about Moissanite being created from |
| discovered the challenge faced by the copy of Julie's | | | | minerals in a lab then jumping to the fact that this type |
| Jewels Moissanite page. The original copy (found here: | | | | of jewelry was available at wholesale prices, it needed |
| was too factual for visitors to relate to effectively. I | | | | some help in capturing and retaining the attention of the |
| outlined the problems and the proposed solutions. Let's | | | | visitor. |
| continue as I show you the rewrite and the results. | | | | In an effort to create a visual image for the site visitor, |
| The Rewrite | | | | the new copy begins with: |
| Building excitement about Moissanite jewelry was a | | | | "Once you experience the wonder of Moissanite |
| primary goal during the rewrite. These stones needed | | | | jewelry, you'll be spoiled for anything else. This alluring |
| to be positioned above other manmade gems such as | | | | stone has the brilliance and sparkle of a diamond, yet it |
| cubic zirconia. Their special qualities had to be brought | | | | is affordable on practically any budget. Moissanite is |
| to light while also evoking emotions that are associated | | | | the hardest and most dazzling stone, second only to a |
| with buying something rare, exclusive and truly | | | | diamond." |
| exceptional. | | | | Because this is a category page on Julie's ecommerce |
| I chose words and phrases including "spoiled for | | | | site, photographs of Moissanite jewels in different |
| anything else," "alluring" and "wonder." | | | | settings are shown along with links to the associated |
| However, affordability also needed to be conveyed -- | | | | pages. The original copy stopped there. With the new |
| but without discounting the perceived and actual value | | | | copy, I added brief descriptions underneath each |
| of the stone. To accomplish this, I included mentions of | | | | image. This accomplished two things. |
| how affordable Moissanite stones are along with | | | | 1) It allowed me to entice the visitor to click through to |
| verbiage describing the clarity, quality and excellence | | | | the page using both words and visuals. |
| of these jewels. | | | | 2) It gave us additional opportunities to use Julie's |
| You can view the revised copy (PDF) here: | | | | keyphrase without sounding overpowering. |
| In addition, Julie's Jewels faces some stiff competition | | | | The Results |
| from national retailers and other sites that carry | | | | What was the outcome of this makeover? I'll let Julie |
| Moissanite. There was really only one main phrase the | | | | tell you herself. |
| page needed to be optimized for. The challenge with | | | | "I was on the 2nd and 3rd page of SERPs for this |
| that, however, was using the term enough to make an | | | | category. Now, I'm on page #1! The Moissanite page is |
| impact with the engines, but not so much as to sound | | | | now the 3rd highest entry page for the site. This page |
| odd because of too much repetition. | | | | is the parent category for six sub-categories. Those |
| The Headline | | | | sub-categories have seen nice jumps in traffic as |
| A huge change took place with the headline. The | | | | opposed to a year ago (prior to copy rewrite). This not |
| original headline was created with no appeal to the site | | | | only helps the main category but sub-categories as |
| visitor. Likely used strictly for navigation and search | | | | well. I'm also getting double the contacts about |
| engine optimization (SEO) purposes, it merely listed the | | | | Moissanite as a result of increased visitors on the |
| name of the page. The use of the simple term | | | | Moissanite jewelry page." |
| "Moissanite Jewelry" was replaced with a headline that | | | | Before you start listing facts and figures in your copy, |
| clearly stated the primary benefit of this product: | | | | take a little time to research how consumers buy that |
| "Moissanite Jewelry Offers Affordable Luxury" | | | | particular product. Because people don't react the |
| The Opening Paragraph | | | | same ways to every product or service, jumping to |
| The original copy used an opening paragraph that | | | | conclusions about how they buy can be a dangerous |
| skipped from one topic to another. Beginning with | | | | practice that's best avoided. |